lost

there are lots of ups and downs in life.
and things can just happen in a split second.
we do not really know what people think.
but the only thing we can control is what we think.

i think its true. i've lost myself.

the only time that i felt happy now is when i'm with him and my friends.
i don't even remember when was the last time i enjoyed myself.
i lost trust.. i fear of being hurt.. i fear of being lied.
i felt sad.. worried.. whenever i am unable to contact people.
people of such.. my family.. and my loved ones.

some people learnt from mistake.
take in weakness and build up strength.
some people learnt from mistake.
build up strength. and repeat the same mistake.

me?
i often repeat the same mistake over and over again.

i adores him. him with his own mindset.
he does not give up easily.

and me. i lost myself.
most of the time. i do not even know what i want.
even if i do. im just to lazy to do it.

"get out of your comfort zone!"

it is true. when i look back.
it is always the wrong priotization.

but to think again right now.
its never too late. is it?
to change what that should be done few years ago.

happiness is what we have chosen.
it is true.. that there is no point looking back what you once own.
what about now? what about today?
=)

all these are just memories.
.........................................................................................

i looked at their photos the other day.
the smile they had.
i looked at our photos in the last few times we were together.
the smile we had.

does things change when relationship stabilised?
what does it mean by stabilised?

i was envious for the first time i see their wall posts on FB..
but when i look at their photos this time.
i feel happy for them.
i can see him being happy with her there beside him.
the smile that i have not seen for a long time.

for me.
i do not have any photos taken with b.
i almost have nothing with b that i can publish.
whether in FB or even my personal blog.
but i guess i'm just glad to have him with me.

i am dumb.
but for now.. or for long term..
i guess i will never regret to have b in my life.
ups and downs. thats life. thats reality. thats love.

...........................................................................

i miss u guys.
things that shall never change.
*pic taken 3-4 years back. goshH!